Teen angst isn't really my cup of tea.

Teen angst.

I heard you slit your wrist and bragged about it.
One time found your self esteem
and on the same day drowned it.
Recite Shakespeare for the melancholy
Don't confess to loving twilight, because your sorry
that you don't have any better taste.
Call your whole life a waste,
but still confess your torment on the net.
Poetry that gets stale, after the first couplet.
Misery and heartbreak, we've all heard before.
Recycled song lyrics and metaphors.
Verses that get stuck in your head and sound like the mainstream lame.
(And) every night you fold your hands and pray for fame.
Just suck my dick and get over it.
Cause you're in my way you retard nitwit.
That gold star is mine, you lame fat hoe
Forget your teen angst and stop stealing my show.
Yes, I know what your thinking, did I have to be so mean.
Do I have to rag on the artistic merits of a simple teen.
Must I steep so low to get some attention.
Well just look at what she wrote, convince me of my misapprehension.

Petite teenage girl shows her boobs

Where is you shame?
You turn on your web-cam and browse on chat roulette,
waving your wiener around at a little 13 year old girl from Australia.

And then you hop on trough, to the porn sites.
Where you look for scantily clad young ladies,
from all around the world,
who have no more shame to lose.

After that,
you surround your self with some jerk-offs, on a fan-fiction website.
With poets and writers who put literature to shame.
Who use dirty words to get some attention.

Bob hits his wife (A poem about escalation with two different endings)

When I preform this poem I actually read the first part twice. (once for every ending.)
It is a cautionary tale, about what our choices can lead to.



Bob hits his wife:

she sighs an awkward silence,
he growls a rooted violence.
she throws around her nasty words,
that he pretends he hasn't heard.

option 1
she lashes out in cries and screams,
he presents to her his newfound dreams.
and comforts her in open arm.
inviting, loving and warm.

option 2
she lashes out in cries and screams,
his anger rises to extremes.
he hits her hard upon the head.
she bleeds, she falls....she's dead.

I am music unheard, I am poetry on unseen forums.

I am raising my sanity and procrastinating.
I wonder about what music really is.
I hear people talking and machines grinding and just start tripping balls.
I see bright colors running trough my emotions.
I want to preserve this feeling.
I am raising my sanity and procrastinating.

I pretend every day that I feel as good as now.
I feel worthless and neglected at the same time.
I touch the edge of my mind and fear I'll tip over.
I cry when I think of falling down there, I don't want to die like that.
I am raising my sanity and procrastinating.

I understand that my thoughts are never really popular.
I say that I am an artist.
I dream about a bigger audience.
I try to write all of my feelings down.
I hope I can one day shed my fear of dying unheard.
I am raising my sanity and procrastinating.

Mood: Productive
Music: Soundgarden black hole sun.

Scared little boy, scarred man. I am.

I am drowsy yet wide awake.
I wonder if it has anything to do with the new medication I take.
I hear a buzzing in the silence.
I see dancing shadows on the walls.
I want to feel alive again.
I am drowsy yet wide awake.

I pretend that my heart isn't crying for a cigarette.
I feel as if my world is crumbling.
I touch my chest to hear the beating of my heart.
I worry that I might not make it.
I cry because I'll have so little to leave behind.
I am drowsy yet wide awake.

I understand so little of the path in front of me.
I say farewell to the future all to often.
I dream that someday the past will stop haunting me.
I try to move away from all my fears.
I hope to really catch some sleep tonight.
I am drowsy yet wide awake.

System failure/Programming error:

Someone told me this is not my best work, that some lines need improvement. someday.

I agree with them.
But since it has been so long since I've shared any of my work through my blog.
here it is anyway.

System failure/Programming error:

Warning!
Nicotine levels low,
start leaf rolling software.
Execute program, light death sticks.
Cough sequence initiated.
You are now healthy!
Error?

Warning!
Caffeine levels low,
start liquid death software.
Execute program, throat lubrication.
Irritable bowel movements initiated.
You are now healthy!
Error?

Warning!
Vitamin levels low.
Counter software not recognized.
No executable programs available.
Rapid decline of body functions.
You are now healthy?
Error! Error! Error!
System failure!
*beeeep!!!*

Heaven/Hell (this is what makes it special)

Here in Heaven and Hell, there is no time or space confined by measurements and rules.
You are surrounded by everything and everyone you ever thought of, well as longs they are dead people.
Which they are, because here there is as much of the future as there is of the past.
You can see your life flash before your eyes and you see the consequences of your choices.
The influence your life has had on others. You can see the outcomes of the ifs and the maybes.
This place is what you want it to be, this place is what you made it to be.
This place doesn't exist.

Ranting about my blue balls

I want to call Latvia and tell them I turned gay.
How do people find love every day.

I watch romantic comedy, they make me sad.
Romance and love is dead.

I surf dating sites and make ton's of new friends.
I can't meet them in real life, then the magic ends.

You have to start feeling real feelings,
have to speak words
with real meanings.

Though creating a profile often makes me sick
I cannot help but come off like a dick.

I say what I currently feel and perhaps sometimes too fast.
I suppose that's my love and it never will last.

My hope lies by a single straw thread.
I guess now its over... I'll consider myself dead.




(Wrote this with the help of Trentsteel, from Vampirefreaks, sorry buddy almost forgot to keep my promise there.)

I'm insane, it is good to know that I am not alone.

I'm insane, it is good to know that I am not alone.

Violence in Media does not affect our children.
Acting like a slut is helping feminism.
Making child pornography legal would help pedophiles control their urges, these are wide spread believes.
Talking about drugs in pop music should be OK, as long as the younger children don't know what you are talking about (Miley Cyrus said something like this once.)
and for decades now people have been dancing to the explicitly promiscuous Macarena song.

Mankind is insane and reaching out to fellow degenerates, we say we are just browsing and entertaining ourselves.
But there comes a time when watching gore for entertainment becomes making gore for entertainment.
The lines are fading and parents are teaching their kids from age 1 to be homofoobs or hooligans.
The media is confused, they can't figure out why humanity is crumbling,
but they feed us more and more visual footage of when and where it is happening.
It is time we laid down the Bible for we are no longer worthy of it's teachings.
Long has it been since I met a Christian, who does not disgrace his temple with tons of alcohol, just because Jesus drank a little wine.
We won't go to Hell, because we are already there and this is where we like it, all we have to do is admit.

Christianity isn't funny.

Christianity isn't funny, but some Atheist aren't either.

I was once a good little Christian.

On my knees, I would pray to a deity, that I had never seen or heard, for him to forgive my sins.

I would do this every night before bed and I would always have a lot to say.

Now I am an Atheist, but I still have plenty of sins to confess.

I would like to use this blog as an opportunity to do so.

Forgive me for I have sinned,

I have spoken ill of my fellow Atheist,

who in turn spoke ill of other people's religions.

No matter how much I would like for them to seize their judgmental practices,

it is to be expected of me, that I would ask this of them, in a polite and civil way.

This has not been the case, as instead I threw a fit and a childish tantrum.

I want to ask you now can you forgive me?

Serenity:

If Hell is fire, suffering and darkness, then it is here on Earth.
If everything you can think of is possible on this planet, then it must be Heaven too.
This is why we monks meditate, to get closer to the Heaven in all of us. Snuff the darkness as it were.
I wasn't always a monk, I used to be a crime lord.
Ruling Rotterdam city with an iron fist and bags of cocaine and Ketamine.
After a few years in prison I have seen the light, this world was such a bad place because of me.
Because I brought more darkness with me, I made the darkness stronger.
Criminals were people too, misunderstood people, who misunderstood the world.
Shunned human beings, who shunned the world in return, creating a circle of darkness.
A downwards spiral of hate and suffering.

In prison I learned that there are far less bad people on this world, then there are people who don't know any better.
People who like me thought there was nothing wrong, with making a living from death and suffering.
That the suffering would be there without them.
But when I returned from prison, I learned that I had clients because I could provide them with drugs, that there was organized crime, because I organized it.
Completely gone it was not, but the incompetent fool, who took over my rule, had lost a lot of terrain and the city was better of without me and my criminal ways.
This is when I decided to move my rotten mind away from the bad impulses of life.
I secluded myself in the mountains of Tibet and became a Buddhist monk, to allow myself to embrace the finer things in life.

The Open mind/ Shared trip confessions

This used to be a Dutch poem, by popular demand I've decided to translate it into English as well.


The Open mind/ Shared trip confessions

The drugs you didn't take,
experienced trough empathy.
Two thoughts, sprung from different substances and impulses,
synchronized to one symphony.

to not let the let the songs go unsung,
while they're laying on another's tongue.
And pry open the doors that separate our minds.

So that together we can come to the conclusion,
that we wouldn't have though of alone.
And foresee with open mind, what a closed mind would have never suspected.

(picture was found on tumblr, I don't know who the original creator was
http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/trippy-pictures)

Warning Extreme content

mutilation my sensation


Hold this,
I spoke, as I placed the knife between her ribs.
Creating rhytmic music from your blood, as on the floor it drips,
like a metronome.
I scalp your head and examine your dome.
It is empty, how sad, it reminds me of my heart.
Or at least the empty cavity,
of where it used to be.

Shut up,
I say, to your muttered whining.
It seems you are slowly dying,
from the pain I inflicted on your chest.
You have minutes to live, at best
and you mustn't ruin my fun.

I am done,
I scream, as the last breath leaves your mutilated corpse.
I feel no remorse for our sudden divorse,
as I never loved you, like in the last few hours.
The chains on the wall, becomes the grave in which I burried you,
when I mark it with flowers.

A Rant that fails to be a Haiku

It is fucking cynical
and full of assumption.
A poetic masterpiece.



And now a haiku that fails to be a good rant


Cynical as fuck
poetic masterpieces
full off assumptions

Experimenting with parentheses and the fear of life.

I'm afraid I've come to fear life.
Pain is as intensive as a womans touch and both hurt the same.
Sound is amplified and constantly transmitted, only for 'my' ears to hear.
Television and radio are screaming my name.
(driving me insane)

I've never feared heights before when I was younger.
I've stood on many rooftops before,
but now my eyes hurt, no matter in what direction I look, and I can't take it much longer.
I fall down to my knees and crouch into a corner.
Afraid to live. (afraid to think)

So many things I think of, things I still have to try.
My body sinks in the tears my thought's create. As I sink,
something else emerges, something foul and without emotions.
It can not fear and it walks out into the world.
(like a zombie using my body)


....
the picture in today's poetic menu is from Donny Darko.
A cult classic that I'm very much a fan off.
If you haven't seen it yet, you can count on me, recommending you, to do so.

I need confirmation

Dormant abilities:
Like how your brain knows what do with information.
Like a well organized Organization,
governing the nation.
Dealing with pollution, solution and destination.
Applying celebration and depression to the right association,
of action and reaction on every form of education.
Withholding knowledge trough evasion,
of affection and
providing consolation on a heart troubled by addiction.
Doused in false affirmation of safety and
Yet still climb the tree of self preservation,
by reminding you of the complications.
That love can lead to self renunciation.

....
So that's my latest work of poetry give me a comment if you like it
and here's some cool inspiring music,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65jy_F75t9Y
Especially check out track 14 Blade walker.

Another short story

life's path:

Madam Deedee placed her cards in front of me and proceeded to explain how this would work.
She said: "life is like a big long and winding road."
A grin formed on my features and I could just barely suppress a giggle. I was a bit skeptic and in my mind she couldn't have started in a more corny manner. The fortunetelling madam Deedee, continued her readings as if she hadn't noticed.
"The choices you make in life are the forks in the road, where what choice you make decides what path you shall walk next."
She moved her hands over the cards she had laid out on the ground. "I can see your path and I can see the choices up ahead."
She lifted one card and it revealed a picture of a man relaxing in the sun.
She told me that the first three cards would be my enemy cards. The first card would represent a false friend, mine was comfort. Madam Deedee lifted up a second card, "This would be the old enemy. An enemy that you should recognize, for it has long been with you, traveling alongside you on your path."
This card had a general laying down his sword depicted upon it. I said: "I know what this one means, it's defeat, isn't it?"
Madam Deedee looked at me with her sharp eyes.
"close", she said, "It stands for an early submission. That in itself is a form of defeat."
She was going to draw the third card now and form me a complete picture of my enemy. "The last card stands for new enemy that has been laying silently awaiting your arrival." I looked at the picture of the card it was a line of bill collectors. A long silence ensued and after a few more quick glances at her cards, madam Deedee started mumbling in herself. "A yes, this makes sense. Yes. You are a procrastinator, you have a problem that you have long postponed solving that problem. You have created a FALSE sense of comfort for yourself by admitting an early defeat." She now directed her attention at me again and uttered, "But not for long anymore."
I snapped and confessed, "I have a drug problem."

My name is Danny, I live in a small home with rent due and an empty fridge.
But I have a small mountain of coke laying next to my Adsl connection. As skeptic as I always was of Tarot readings, I couldn't prove her wrong.

"Cheer up", she said to me, "I shall now turn the Fourth card, this card is a Friend, it stands for opportunity." It was a picture of a big heart.
"you're lucky, you will find love." As she was turning the next card she revealed one last insight to me before the answer would be crystal clear to me. "The fifth card is connected to the Fourth, It reveals the identity of your friend."
The fifth card was a mirror. Not a picture of a mirror, no, it was truly me starring back from the last card.

beyond expectations: a piece of prose by Allen Crown

He's not coming:

The poster on her wall depicted her perfect idea of a man.
A perfect man indeed.
A strong and muscular man,
intelligent and sensitive,
probably she'll meet him riding a white maned steed.

But for now she's headed out to the club,
the local human meat parlor right next to the pub.
Wearing a provocative and revealing piece of Fashion,
that she hopes will draw the attention of all the men out here tonight.
And how she hopes that one well dressed man is there, in a suit of black and white and how she hopes he'll treat her right.


His wall was plastered with a poster depicting his idea of the perfect woman.
A sweet and homely girl, reading up on her knowledge in a library, while wearing a decent piece of fashion that covers her from head to toe,
but revealed more to the imagination than a bikini could ever do.

But first he would head out to the club,
the local human meat parlor right next to the pub.
Wearing a Hawaiian t-shirt and some shorts.
Tonight he'll attract ladies of all sorts.

And his dream girl might be there and she won't care,
that they won't be driving of in his white Ferrari, by which he never came.
No he had  parked his fathers horse outside, by the same name.

Now he was coming to a sudden revelation.
Between all the girls in skimpy outfits,
he won't find his librarian girl in this sea of sluts and nitwits.
He didn't think he was in the right place anymore,
in the meat parlor with the pub next door.

Vampires suck, thank Tom Cruise for it

Blood muncher or butt-muncher?:

A decent vampire is what I asked for,
A real blood-sucker from the old folklore.
Maybe Hollywood needs explaining of just how dirty
the good old blood-drinking business can be.
Please trow away that pretty boy,
with that over-rated sex-toy,
that I can't call fangs.
give me one that causes night terrors, not emotional pangs.
Have the decency to bring back the horde.
And throw that wanker Edward overboard.

The forgotten times:

Childhood, the forgotten times,
before we had cars and wives.
Before we had bills to pay.

come outside, come on let's play.
Please won't you stay?
waste our precious years some more.

Then suddenly puberty comes knocking on our door,
dropping sanity, responsibility and reason on our cerebral floor.
Fighting it with every breath, making our parents mad.

Isn't it sad?
Isn't adulthood something bad?
But then what was our childhood for...



......
art by Sooperkreep
http://jaquio.deviantart.com/art/Lavos-New-Chrono-Trigger-126989336

the waves:

Sit down besides me, at the fire on the beach.
I have a story to tell for each
and everyone to hear,
of how the waves of society made your individuality disappear.

How masses of falsified information were smashed
against you like a wave is smashed upon the sand.
How the rebels were constantly bashed
in the head and the heart by corporate hand.

A story of how I urge you
not to be a slave.
Now I'll tell you what you can do,
invent a new board and conquer this wave.

A constant reminder:

The black birds circle around the yard.
this Ecstasy is hitting hard.
A constant reminder of where you are.
the "friends" you party with have all gone far.
far beyond where you can follow.
on drugs that are much harder to swallow.
perhaps it's good you can't keep up.
this is to remind yourself, you have to stop.

Mommy I don't want to do poetry today:

Attempt at story writting.(and yes this one has a picture, I know how you guys love a visual aid.)

Wake up, the birds screamed.
You get dressed and eat your breakfast, today is a big day.
You might be on vacation but even now you have a busy schedule.
First up is a one hour boat ride to open sea, there you plan on reef diving.
Only for a few hours though, because the restaurant you booked lunch at is just as punctuated as yourself.

Alicia Fortuna, or Alice ass your friends call you.
planning is all you ever do.
But nobody can foresee the future...


She glances back at the waterside hotel, pondering if she would have enough time before the boat leaves, to run back and grab her sunglasses.
She decides to take her chances.
A fatal mistake!

When she returns to the docks, she gets on a boat that looks extremely similar to the tourist attraction that was docked there mere minutes ago.
Not that this was the same boat, oh no.
No, without noticing Alice had just boarded a pirate ship. Owned by hardened criminals out for loot.
Poor, poor Alice, if only her sunglasses had the same prescription as her regular glasses.
But fashion came first and applying your lenses was something she thought she could do while on the boat.
as her normal vision now gradually returned after putting them in, Alice came to realize how severe her situation had become.
came to realize how her schedule had changed for ever and how she would never be able to return to her carefully planned life again.

I might like your music but you don't like mine and that's fine

stranger sounds have met my ear.
yet how do I describe this.
my music is like that of a different species.
they meet nor your standards or your expectations.

yet how do I describe this.
so much music that differs from what's is normal.
they meet nor your standards or your expectations.
and it tears you from your comfortable life.

so much music that differs from what's is normal.
my music is like that of a different species.
and it tears you from your comfortable life.
though stranger sounds have met my ears.

Of fur and fullness:

While they are howling to the moon.

This mighty beast, the Loup Garrou.
Whose fangs might end my life too soon.
His racing claws begging me, "what to do?"
To save my life or let it trough.

And will I change or bite the dust.
Become the beast of hunger and lust.
Or find my grave as I must.

Six feed under changing only to dust.

image is not mine, owners signature is at the bottom

look it has a picture

I felt concealed, shrouded in mist.
Whispers of unspoken thoughts too horrible to exist.
A waving man commands me closer,
deeper into the mist.

But the whispers yell unspeakable thoughts, too horrible to describe.
About how men who venture into the mist, never come out alive.
About how the waving man can't be trusted, of how meeting him was something
that you won't survive.

A light appears in the distance, as it was lit by the waving man.
You could see him much clearer now,
he was dressed in a white suit, standing next to a white van.
he was my way out here, out of the mist and the cold, driving of in this man's Sedan.

dominatrix stole my heart.

every Friday her whip lashes me for 90 bucks per hour.
for that price she'll make me crawl and calls me names.
I love to play these weird and sexy games,
and they arouse me.
they fill my heart with joy.

I leave her place as depressed as I came in today,
knowing that I'll miss her.
I ponder in my head about tomorrow,
think I might just pop by, to say hello.

but then seeing her with another customer,
broke my heart in two.
I feel the pain she inflicted upon my chest and whisper, thank you...

half the credits go to Serginho Francisco Richards

What do you mean I'm not calm.
can't you see that by the knife,
clenched in my fists.
I'm perfectly calm.

Are you so slow or am I just pacing too fast?
Words keep spinning in my head, motions al blurred.
My heart's still racing but I guess I feel relaxed.
I'm totally fine, I'm perfectly calm.

come on stop screaming.
I'm oke, you're oke.
so now shut the fuck up.
we're both perfectly oke.

I'm telling you it's fine.
believe me there is nothing wrong.
it's just a flesh wound.
it wont last long.

now look at what you made me do.
I told you I wasn't angry,
so this is all on you.

You just kept on adding noises.
Purely to derail my train of thought.
I need a moment of solitude, a moment away from the voices
before this escalates more and more

I'm not shaking, I'm still brave
and you're alive,
so this here I'm digging
can not be a grave.

I'm perfectly calm, you're just unable to see
That what I choose to see is what's reality.

starting a new life on a tropical island

starting a new life on a tropical island? I wish!

but since I can't really just up and go do it,

I decided to write about it.

I call this one:

we came to relax

The ship landed on the docks

On deck it bears it’s tourist flocks

That makes attempts to leave

That screams and sigh’s and heaves

Standing in the monstrous crowd

A tiny boy, so young, so proud

From far away land and town

Coming here to settle down…